At 4:44 am this morning, 33 year old biohacker and human optimization strategist Xeno Bigs maintained a thousand yard stare while self-injecting 18 peptide formulations as part of his morning routine designed specifically for an upcoming appearance in the 100 Yard Dash at a future iteration of the Enhanced Games.
“I’m going to live forever, and if the cost of doing so is to die emotionally and spiritually at 33, then so be it,” says Bigs.
Friends close to Bigs say the Austin based wellness entrepreneur and devoted father of an Optimus humanoid robot has spent the last three years religiously attuned to the Manosphere and optimizing every measurable aspect of his biology while quietly losing the ability to experience basic human joy.
“He’s in incredible shape on the outside and his organs would fetch six figures each on the black market” said his former trainer and current organic steroid dealer. “His testosterone is in the 98th percentile, inflammation markers are perfect, and he hasn’t felt genuine emotional connection since 2021. This is true human optimization, virtually indistinguishable from that robot of his that he’s always unloading his unchecked aggression upon.”
Bigs reportedly begins each day with a strict protocol involving cold plunges, methylene blue, peptides sourced through a guy named Viktor on Telegram, intermittent fasting, red light therapy, lion’s mane cacao, and posting shirtless Instagram stories.
Despite investing over $240,000 into supplements per month, wearable technology, and private longevity clinics, sources confirm Bigs still experiences a persistent underlying sensation that life is spiritually hollow and society should be destroyed so that he can rule over the ruins indefinitely.
“He keeps saying he’s close to another breakthrough,” said a former romantic partner who asked not to be named due to a court ordered stay. “But every breakthrough somehow requires another $18,000 wellness retreat in Tulum.”
According to insiders, Bigs recently pivoted toward doubling down on his nervous system optimization after discovering that achieving a biological age of 19 did not automatically result in happiness.
At press time, Bigs was preparing to launch a startup helping emotionally vacant high performers reclaim vitality through personalized nootropic stacks, sovereign masculinity coaching, and a private members community starting at $777 per month.