Billionaire investor Christian Angermayer has touched down in Las Vegas in true transhumanist fashion today looking like a mashup between Roman emperor, Burning Man art installation, and deleted scene from Iron Man.
“Human optimization is no longer enough,” Angermayer reportedly told a crowd of biohackers, investors, and visibly dehydrated crypto influencers gathered around an NAD+ IV drip station. “The future belongs to enhanced consciousness merged seamlessly with premium mobility solutions. The Enhanced Games is just the beginning.”
The spectacle comes just days before the inaugural Enhanced Games competition, where athletes will compete in sporting events free from the limiting dogmas and safety precautions of traditional anti-doping rules and currently existing ethical standards.
Sources close to the event confirmed several athletes have already achieved resting heart rates detectable only by military sonar equipment, while others have escaped the containment zone and are currently being pursued by trackers in helicopters.
Sponsors around the world have embraced the aesthetic of this new brand of “wellness fascism” — Several affiliated hotel minibars have replaced alcohol with microdose mushroom gummies and various GLP-1’s, while participating casinos are offering lines of crypto credit in addition to previously existing arrangements.
At a private rooftop gathering attended by founders, sovereign wealth fund representatives, and exiled former dictators, Angermayer unveiled what insiders described as his “final evolution form”: a Neuralink-compatible carbon fiber suit powered by uranium, ketamine, and the souls of human serfs.
The custom made robot body reportedly also still requires peptides and designer drugs to function adequately so as to not completely erase the need for biopharmaceutical product subscriptions and in so doing put Angerymayer out of business.
“Consciousness,” he declared while struggling to mount a portion of Beluga caviar on a golden spoon with his newly acquired robot hands, “must scale.”