WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what officials are calling “the most comprehensive anti-drug operation in history,” the DEA announced Thursday that it has placed the entire Amazon rainforest under Schedule I pending further notice after discovering the ecosystem contains “an alarming number of uncontrolled and potentially mind-altering molecules.”
The emergency order follows a months-long investigation in which federal agents reportedly identified psychedelic tryptamines, MAO inhibitors, stimulant alkaloids, antimicrobial compounds, and several opioid-like peptides occurring naturally throughout the rainforest.
“Frankly, there was just too much chemistry happening,” said DEA spokesperson Todd Balsach while standing in front of a map of South America covered in evidence tags. “We counted thousands of bioactive compounds and decided the safest course of action was to classify the forest itself as having a high potential for abuse and no currently accepted medical use.”
The announcement comes just days after the agency’s push to place SR-17018, an experimental opioid agonist that researchers believe could provide powerful pain relief with significantly less respiratory depression, into the most restrictive category on the Controlled Substances Act. Scientists have suggested compounds in this class may become valuable tools in combating the ongoing opioid overdose epidemic, but the DEA disputes the science citing a lack of agency overview.
“We cannot allow promising overdose-prevention therapies to distract us from the important work of criminalizing unapproved molecules,” Balsach explained. “If a compound shows potential to save lives before federal authorities can intervene or a pharmaceutical company has fully monetized it, that’s exactly when we need to act quickly.”
At press time, federal agents were reportedly attempting to serve a search warrant to a 300-year-old kapok tree described as ‘extremely pharmacologically suspicious.’