HAWTHORNE, CA — Billionaire entrepreneur and online race baiter Elon Musk was reportedly caught on a hot mic this week admitting that SpaceX's long-rumored IPO is primarily intended to finance what sources describe as a "heroic, civilization-scale ketamine habit."
The comments were allegedly made moments before a closed-door investor presentation in which Musk outlined plans for humanity's future among the stars, which was shown to him while in the K-hole on a megayacht while traveling under the path of totality of a solar eclipse off the coast of Tahiti in July of 2010.
"Uhhhh.. Mars.. uhh. Mars isn't… uhh… cheap," Musk reportedly said over the course of 4 minutes. "Neither is ketamine. People always…People always… focus on the Mars part," he continued while racking up a Uranus sized line.
Witnesses claim the room fell silent as Musk clicked to a slide labeled "Interplanetary Consciousness Expansion Roadmap," featuring a graph showing ketamine consumption rising in near-perfect correlation with SpaceX's projected valuation. A bullet point beneath the graph detailed plans for the rollout of ketamine clinics in geographically strategic placements across the Red Planet.
Financial analysts quickly attempted to clarify whether the remarks were intended as a joke, a metaphor, or material information requiring SEC disclosure.
"We're honestly not sure anymore," admitted one Wall Street researcher. "At this point our valuation models include a line item called ‘Ketamine Burn Rate’.
Sources close to Musk insist the entrepreneur remains fully committed to advancing humanity, noting that his personal ketamine intake should be viewed as a strategic investment rather than a liability.
"Every great civilization needs infrastructure," explained one advisor. "Rome had roads. America had railroads. Elon has ketamine."