TULUM, MEXICO — Citing "unprecedented levels of people out of alignment," local ceremonial facilitator and part-time Instagram astrologer MC Cosmic announced this week that all psychedelic ceremonies held at his Airbnb during Mercury in retrograde will now be subject to dynamic pricing.
“We’re looking very closely at what Ticketmaster has been doing with all their random fee increases and arbitrary inflationary pricing, looking at what Uber has been doing with surge pricing, and we think that in order for shamanic medicine to be a true industry then we need to act like the big players in other industries do” says MC Cosmic, who clarified that his name is pronounced in separate and distinct syllables and not ‘McCosmic” as it is often mistakenly pronounced by new initiates.
According to the updated booking policy, participants can expect a 40% "Energy Vortex Surcharge," a $175 flat “Higher Power Initiation Fee”, and a variety of premium upcharges targeted towards people who are materially wealthy but spiritually poor.
"We're simply responding to market conditions," Cosmic explained while rearranging crystals around an iPad displaying live astrological charts. "When Mercury goes retrograde, everyone suddenly decides they need to heal their childhood trauma before replying to a text message."
The new pricing model reportedly fluctuates in real time based on lunar phases, Schumann resonance, eclipse activity, and in response to podcasts with well-known spiritual influencers in real time.
Several retreat centers have already embraced the innovation. One Costa Rican operator confirmed plans to introduce Peak Enlightenment Pricing™ during solstices, while another is beta testing an algorithm that automatically increases ceremony costs every time a participant says they're "doing the work."
Not everyone supports the move. Critics argue that charging more during periods of perceived cosmic instability exploits vulnerable seekers.
MC Cosmic disagrees.
"If the universe is expanding," he said, "why shouldn't my margins?"
At press time, attendees who couldn't afford the retrograde pricing were encouraged to return once Venus entered a more budget-friendly alignment.