WASHINGTON, D.C. — Demonstrating an advanced understanding of the political system that apparently eludes the vast majority of the electorate, a local man has reportedly written in “Reptilian Overlords” on his mail in ballot Sunday, confidently explaining to his Facebook followers that voting for either major party would only reinforce the illusion of democracy.
“I've done my research,” said the man, who religiously watches TikTok and YouTube videos featuring red arrows pointing toward the moon and the truth about Antarctica that they don’t want you to know. “You think Biden, Trump, or whoever's running things is actually in charge? Wake up. The real power structure goes much, much deeper.”
When asked whether he had considered voting for a third-party candidate, he laughed. “They're all controlled opposition. The Reptilians have been running this planet for thousands of years, I saw it in a David Icke video.”
The man declined to participate in local elections, despite having no idea who was running for city council, but assured everyone that he understood the geopolitical implications of ancient bloodlines.
He also expressed frustration that his vote would not be counted, describing the electoral process as “obviously rigged” while simultaneously insisting that his ballot represented an act of revolutionary resistance.
At press time, the man was reportedly preparing an Instagram carousel explaining why paying property taxes is actually part of the transhumanist agenda.
His landlord has yet to respond.