SAN FRANCISCO — An area man in the sleeper banger stages of a polysubstance trip after seeing the Disco Biscuits at 1015 Folsom reportedly began seriously reconsidering his life choices while being transported home inside a fully autonomous Waymo ride share vehicle.
According to sources monitoring flock cameras tracking the vehicle, the man repeatedly tried to shimmy out the passenger side backseat window while yelling profanities about cartoon people he was seeing.
Witnesses say the Waymo appeared undeterred by the passengers exploits, with some speculating it’s algorithm was unable to distinguish the man’s psychotic episode from normal human behavior at this point.
The man, identified only as a 34-year-old technology consultant, reportedly consumed several grams of mushrooms at the show before deciding it would be a good idea to layer on a number of other crowdsourced molecules that are widely promoted as ambiguously ‘good for mental health’.
By all accounts he was living his best life and had a good laugh when the autonomous vehicle pulled up, leaving those around him to feel that he was safe with the robot.
As the vehicle navigated the city without a human driver, he sent a flurry of cryptic text messages to random contacts in his phone warning them about the accelerationist agenda and the rise of artificial intelligence without an ethical framework to contain it.
“Robot Car, Entities inside, Send Me Back me send robots food (SIC),” he reportedly texted an old college roommate he hadn’t spoken to in a decade. “Going somewhere I didn’t choose.”
The vehicle continued driving across state lines to an address that was entered incorrectly earlier by his friend who was also tripping.
Sources say the trip intensified when he realized that the Waymo’s route could be tracked in real time while his own life appeared to have no discernible destination.
“Where are we going?” he repeatedly asked.
The Waymo reportedly responded with the closest available route.
By the time he arrived home several days later, the man had allegedly concluded that his entire life was a series of automated decisions made by invisible systems optimized for convenience, efficiency and shareholder value.
According to witnesses, the man is expected to spend the next six months “integrating” the experience before posting a LinkedIn essay about autonomous vehicles and consciousness.