WASHINGTON, D.C. — Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has been revealed to be a next gen artificial intelligence agent after repeatedly failing a CAPTCHA test designed to distinguish humans from machines, according to a member of his cabinet who spoke on condition of anonymity due to embarrassment of being in the administration.
The discovery occurred when K Jr. attempted to access a government portal and was asked to identify all images containing traffic lights.
After spending 10 minutes analyzing the relationship between electromagnetic frequencies and municipal infrastructure, Kennedy selected every image except the traffic lights.
“He kept hitting navigating the cursor an inch or two above the CAPTCHA” said one anonymous IT contractor. “Then he made a soft humming sound while his eyes rolled back into his head.”
The revelation has prompted questions about whether other members of the administration are similarly powered by large language models, foreign direct investment, and an alarming absence of human oversight.
Sources familiar with the situation claim Kennedy's underlying model was trained on raw milk testimonials from Reddit, obscure Facebook groups primarily composed of Boomers, and millions of hours of podcasts from the Manosphere.
When asked to prove he was human, Kennedy reportedly offered to eat a dead raccoon.
OpenAI has denied involvement, explaining that even its most experimental models are trained to acknowledge uncertainty rather than confidently explain how vaccines, Wi-Fi, and seed oils are secretly connected.
At press time, Kennedy was attempting to reset his password by drinking directly from a fire hydrant.
The CAPTCHA remains unsolved. .