In what custies around the internet are calling an unprecedented development in the rapidly evolving social-media psychedelic market, a Telegram bot advertising “TOP QUALITY SHROOMS 🍄🔥 NO SCAM 💯” has reportedly delivered a product that was, against all odds, extremely fucking fire.
The incident began Sunday afternoon when one unsuspecting custie received the familiar unsolicited message.
“HELLO BRO 👽 WE HAVE FIRE P$ILOCYBIIN 🍄 DM NOW. FAST SHIPPING. BEST PRICES. 100% LEGIT.”
Normally, the recipient would immediately delete the message, block the account, report it as spam, and continue scrolling through Instagram reels featuring people performatively flexing the impact of their microdosing protocol.
But curiosity prevailed.
Following several increasingly aggressive messages containing rocket emojis, cartoon mushrooms, and photographs that appeared to have been downloaded from Google Images, the custie placed an order against their better judgement.
Three days later, the pack arrived.
“I honestly expected absolutely nothing,” the customer said. “But then I opened it and was immediately taken by the attention to detail in the packaging, educational materials, and the specimens themselves.”
The revelation has sent shockwaves throughout the online psychedelic community.
Industry observers say the bot appears to have accidentally stumbled upon a revolutionary business model: delivering the thing it claims to be selling.
“This could completely disrupt the spam-based psychedelic marketplace,” said one analyst. “For years, these accounts have optimized for volume, emojis, and increasingly elaborate scams. Nobody thought quality would enter the equation.”
The bot has since sent the customer 47 additional messages asking for referrals.
“BRO YOU LIKE? WE ALSO HAVE DMT, KETAMINE, LSD, MDMA AND 14-DAY SHIPPING SPECIAL 🔥🔥🔥”
The customer has not responded.
He is still blocking bots.